Features of rackets

Anger is a distancing emotion it pushes people apart. When people want distance in a relationship anger can be used to achieve this. This makes it very important in the adolescent stage of development when the teenager is trying to break away from the primary attachment figures, the parents.

Anger racket

Real feeling = Free Child

Racket = Rebellious Child  and  Critical Parent

Life position: At self = I’m not OK

At others = You’re not OK

At both  = I’m not OK, You’re not OK

Passive behaviour =  violence or agitation

Relational problem = fear of closeness or dependence.

Emo

Emo culture is an interesting

combination of sad and angry

Sadness and scare are attracting emotions in that they tend to pull people together. If one looks sad or scared most people will feel some kind of sympathy and seek to help the person. They move towards the person, unlike with anger.

But it is time limited as it is also draining on the other. If the sadness or scare continues then the Free Child of the other will want to move away from the person so it then becomes a distancing emotion. One way to keep people away is be depressed all the time. Unless of course the other is a rescuer then the victim rescuer relationship can continue on for many years.

Sad racket

Real feeling =  Free Child

Racket = Conforming Child and Rescuing Parent

Life position: At self = I’m not OK

Passive behaviour = incapacitation

Relational problem = fear of independence

Scare racket

Real feeling =  Free Child

Racket = Conforming Child

Life position: At self = I’m not OK

At others = You’re not OK

At both  = I’m not OK, You’re not OK

Passive behaviour = incapacitation

Relational problem = fear of independence

 

Happy is an attracting emotion in relationships. Others like it and it is nice to be around and hence gets lots of positive strokes. It also tends to be rejuvenating for the other so others do not tend to get tired of it and eventually move away as with sadness.

Joy happiness racket

Real feeling =  Free Child

Racket = Conforming Child

Life position:  At self = I’m not OK

Passive behaviour =  over adaptation

Relational problem = fear of one’s own needs

 

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One Response to “Features of rackets”

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  1. David Foster says:

    Very helpful and insightful. As a grandfather living with a soon to be teenager it is particularly helpful.

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